Curve Balls

It has been over a month since Malcolm and Grandma passed away. But life feels like it hasn't slowed down. The kids have gone back to school and preschool, programs have started up again at church, we are meeting for Mother's Group. Normalness is returning. But I am noticing things in the new normal.

I have remembered different things - grandma taught me about gardening - she would comment openly on what looked good, what didn't and what to do with weeds. Malcolm taught us lots about cameras - how to take good photos, what cameras are good, tripods, etc. Little things keep popping into my head.

This week James headed back up to Hervey Bay to help Julie with clearing out the garage. He was to go up on Monday, but instead he needed to go up on Friday before the border closed. This was a last minute change and it was a bit stressful and overwhelming. Then on Friday morning as James left I realised that I was nervous about being apart from James because the last time we were apart was when everything went pear shaped and they both passed away. I was overwhelmed, and worried about what could go wrong this week. I feel way too weak. I feel like I don't have the strength for things to go wrong, even something as little as the kids not getting along.

Well, Saturday came and the kids each woke up on the wrong side of the bed and just wanted to pick on each other, tease and be grumpy with each other. The morning was met with shouting, screaming, tears, whinging and dobbing. It was not a fun Saturday. I found it hard to move past the stress and really just felt blah all day.

Sunday was a better day - the kids were kinder and listening a bit more. Monday everyone went to school and preschool. That was a big blessing! I got to have some me time - I went for a walk in the Cumberland State Forest, I cooked meals for the rest of the week. I watched a tv show. 

During this time James called me. Qantas had changed his flights home and the connection flight didn't work. The plane leaving from Brisbane was leaving before the plane from Hervey Bay. This wasn't going to work. They unfortunately had no other solution. Basically if he didn't make the flight from Brisbane on Friday, he won't be home until Wednesday at the earliest. Instead he decided to drive to Brisbane and then catch the set flight. Another stress but at least this one is solved.

Then this morning (Tuesday), I got up to get the kids ready. I got a crown fitted so it worked well that everyone was out at school and preschool. Daniel woke in the night with a sore throat and it was still sore this morning. He needed to stay home but I needed to go. Also, sore throat is a covid symptom so he probably needed to get tested. I called Mum and Dad who are so so amazing! They came and helped walk Eliza to school, drive Alexander to preschool. Then they took Daniel to their place while I went to the dentist. Daniel had perked up a bit which was good. I was questioning if we still needed to dr appointment at 12:45. The dentist was ok and went smoothly. I picked up Daniel and saw that he was quite hot at Mum and Dad's. He had complained of a headache and sore eyes. I took him home, checked his temperature and sure enough, he had a fever. Definitely a covid test was on the way. He had panadol and then watched Bluey - Bluey fixes everything.

The dr confirmed that he should get tested so we hopped into the car and went to get tested. The poor guy was so tired and sore. All he wanted to do was lie down and sleep. But we got there. The test was uncomfortable but he did really well!

We came home and he watched more tv. Mum amazingly came to pick up Eliza from school and Alexander from preschool as well as get more panadol and glenn 20.

It just feels like another thing. Another stress. Another unknown. I'm so drained from these past months. I don't feel like I am strong, but others say that I am. I don't feel like I can cope with more. I miss James. I wish he was here to help, but equally I'm so glad that he is able to be up there to help his Mum. I know that I am strong through Christ and with all that has gone on today I have felt stressed and overwhelmed and unsure. But I have also felt an inner calm. God is in control. He is bigger than all this.

Isaiah 40:28-31

Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the creator of all the earth. He will never grow tired or weary and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength, they will soar on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

God is my strength. I am soaring on his wings at the moment and I am so grateful for that. But also, please stop with the challenges now. I'm tired, I'm weak, I'm trusting in God but I don't feel like any more curveballs coming my way.