Covid Days

It has been almost 6 months since we first had lockdown because of Covid. Over these 6 months I have been pretty ok with taking the days as they came. I enjoyed the quieter pace of life - not having to rush anywhere after school because we weren't allowed to go anywhere, not having as many church commitments and having to see as many people. I enjoyed having the kids around more - freedom to go for a walk when we wanted to and a ride, freedom to go for a bushwalk when we wanted. Freedom to be creative and attempt art activities that I would never have dreamed I would do - way too messy!!

Home school was a struggle but also a reward - I could see where my kids were at in their learning and help push them and encourage them (sometimes pushed them too much). I could corrected and guide them on the spot. I could have fun with them. It was a lot of stress but I tried to embrace this time. 

Then we had the creative block of making upstairs different places the kids wanted to visit - the Reptile Park, Aquarium, Sydney Swans game, Putt-putt golf, and also the art gallery out the front. These times I loved - I loved using my brain, getting excited about seeing the kids reactions and loving seeing them embrace the activity that was set up. 

But now it feels like I'm stuck in groundhog day. Case numbers have popped up again around our area - some at Cherrybrook, some at Hornsby. It was easier to be ok with doing stuff when cases weren't near us. Now they have come back I'm feeling nervous again about going places, even heading to the parks. With school and preschool back again, and AFL and dance some things are returning to normal, but then as soon as one of the kids get a sore throat (Daniel last week, Eliza this week) it's off to find a covid testing place (fortunately I have found a good one at Cherrybrook which I will probably use now on if we need to go to get another test). Both weeks it has been stressful having the kids get sick - do I ask Mum and Dad to help because that could make them sick and if it is Covid then they will possibly get quite sick, I have to cancel my plans (which try and make me stay sane during this time - last week having Mother's Group and going to Mainly Music, this week meeting up with Ruth). Last week Daniel ended up having a pretty bad virus so I'm glad that I didn't send him to school (even though the logistics of it all with James being away and needing Mum and Dad to look after him when he had a temp start and the stress that came with that) but this week Eliza has just had a bit of a cold but I've kept her home just in case. It is mentally draining. It really is. The unknowns of it all is just draining. Not really getting a break from it is draining. It's just getting to me at the moment.

I have always loved going on adventures with my family. The kids have always been amazing going places, and I really enjoy that feel. During this time it is just an added stress thinking do you go to places or is that not being very safe. The kids are so keen to go on a train - I am so not! The kids are keen to go to the Aquarium again. I'm not keen because of there being a few cases in the city and the aquarium is indoors. At the end of last year we won in the school silent auction a family pass to the Maritime Museum and to Calmsley Hill City Farm. We now have the stress of do we go and use the passes in the next month or so so that we don't waste money but if we do go, we risk getting covid. It's just the mental 'what if' that keeps going around my head and is draining me.

I love routine - it feels my routine is either gone or can be taken away from me as soon as one of the kids sneeze. I love going out as a family - too stressful at the moment because of the unknowns. I love having something to look forward to. I don't like change - change to plans at the last minute, change to routine. At the moment it feels like each day and each week is the same things happening. Maybe I need to try and be more creative again. Maybe I need to just take the risk and go out to places with my family. Maybe I just need to keep trying to suck it up and take each day as it comes. I don't really know. But at the moment I'm just in a bit of a blah stage. This time will pass, I know that. And I'm trying to focus on the positives of each day, but some days it is harder to do than others, and at the moment I'm finding it hard to do.

These are my covid thoughts at the moment.

UPDATE:
This past week has been full on. Last Friday afternoon Alexander started to complain of a sore throat (this is while some friends were around after school). He then developed a fever so went and had a covid test on Saturday - it came back negative. Then on Sunday night Daniel started to have a croup cough and a sore throat so Monday morning he went for a covid test - it came back negative. Monday I had Daniel and Alexander at home. Monday afternoon after dance Eliza complained of a sore throat. At this point I thought it was just her feeling nervous about learning a dance to perform for people and also sad about going to school when the boys stayed home... but that night she started to get a fever too. Tuesday saw Alexander back at preschool then Eliza went for a covid test. It came back negative. Wednesday all 3 kids were home - Daniel and Eliza still sick. Thursday Daniel was basically better but very clogged up so I kept him home because I didn't want him to pass on his cold to anyone else. Eliza still had a fever in the middle of the day. Thursday afternoon my throat started to hurt. Pretty sure it's tonsillitis. Swollen glands and puss on the tonsils. The pain that I'm feeling with it makes me feel bad for not believing the kids when they said they had a sore throat. If it's like this it is very sore. Makes me feel like a bad mum. This covid time is making me 2nd guess my kids and their honesty and I'm really not pleased with myself about that. I went and had a covid test this morning - it came back negative. Hopefully James is ok and stays ok. 

As I mentioned above it is just mentally exhausting. I just wish that I could see what was happening. I am going to try and believe my kids when they say they have sore throat (although hopefully this is the end of it). I am trying to give all this to God and not be worrying about things being out of my control. It is hard to do - I am realising that I like to be in control, but I am trying to give it to Him. Hopefully this is the end of sickness in our house. 

I'm also trying to keep it in perspective, knowing that things could always be worse. Colds and tonsillitis will pass, they can be cured. So I'm trying to focus on that too.