Questions

I am a Christian. I believe in God and I believe that Jesus died for my sins so that we can all have a relationship with him and God. I believe that Jesus rose again from the dead and that He is now in Heaven with God. I believe that God is a loving a merciful God. I believe that God is always with us and has the best intentions for us.

But I find death so hard. These past couple of weeks I have found confusing and today I again find myself sitting here wondering why God allows different situations to happen and how it benefits those who are affected by the situations. A couple of weeks ago I was walking home from school and stopped at an intersection to let a white P plater go past. Nothing out of the ordinary. A few hours later I was driving to the doctors and the road was closed due to a fatality. Turned out that the car I had seen was involved in an accident and the passenger passed away - a Year 9 student at the local school. Why did this happen? Why was a young life taken so soon? Why did I notice this car? I stop for many cars on this road and never really pay attention to the drivers or the car but this one I did. Why? I have no idea. A week later I met the Mum as we were walking out from school. She spoke openly of her son's death and about how the family weren't coping well with it at all. So hard to hear. So hard to know what to say.

Then today we received an email from church saying that one of the fathers in our church who is known by many, quite loved by many and quite involved in the church community had passed away riding his bike home. He had suffered a heart attack. His family must be devastated. His family must be in shock. This is completely out of the blue. Why was his life taken so early? He had kids in school still. He had a family that loved him dearly. Why was he taken early? 

Death is something that I just don't understand. I know that those who die who love Jesus are in Heaven with God and that is so much better than here on Earth. I know that they are free from pain and tears and sorrow. That they have new bodies and are a new creation. I know all these things but it is so hard for those of us who are left here on Earth. Darren I still wonder why he was taken from my cousin on their honeymoon. Another family in our church lost their dad/husband from a heart attack when he went for a run. So many lives are lost and I sit here and wonder why does it happen.

I know we are in a fallen world. I know that we make bad choices and that we sin. I know that eventually we all will die. But why does it happen to people when they are younger? When they had family who are young? Who need their dads and mums. Wives who need their husbands or husbands who need their wives? I know that God loves us all. I know that he looks after us and he will give peace to these families in time. But I just sit here and wonder why. Why take the young? Why take the parents? Why do I have my grandma who is sitting there saying 'I hope that I don't stick around until I'm 100' sticking around (which I am so glad for and don't want her to go) but a 14 year old's life is taken away too early? Why?

What I do know is that I will tell James I love him every moment I get the chance to. I will hug my kids extra tight and tell them that I love them and are so proud of them. That I will embrace the chaos that is my house at the moment. That I will try and be more patient with my family and just make the most of every opportunity. That I will pray for those that I know who have lost loved ones and that I will continue to give all these questions to God. I know that I won't know the answers until I get to heaven myself but I just needed to write this to try and get some of the whys out of my mind.