Wear Your Heart On Your Wrist

Sunday morning (around 5am) Alexander woke up in tears. When I went into him he kept repeating 'I don't want to go to preschool today.' I told him the good news was that it was Sunday so he didn't have to go to preschool today. He is a cluey boy so he paused and then said 'But I go tomorrow to preschool.' I said yes and he burst into tears again saying 'I don't want to go to preschool.' What happened? He was so happy and settled in his first week. And to wake up in tears about it, he must have been dreaming about it. We sat and spoke about it and as he calmed down he eventually said it was because it took me so long to come back. Poor chook was missing me. Besides being at Mum and Dad's place, it is the longest time that he has been away from me in the day. 

At times on Sunday he'd say 'I don't want to go to preschool' and we'd talk about it, he'd settle or get distracted and then move on.

Monday morning Alexander woke happy but as we got up and started to get ready for preschool he started to get upset again. I gave him cuddles and talked with him but he kept saying that it took too long for me to come back. I once saw on facebook a picture of drawing a heart or a symbol on their wrists and it showed that you are thinking about them. I drew hearts on both our wrists and told him that when I pushed my heart button, it would give him a cuddle. When Alexander pushed it I would get a cuddle. We practiced at home and he felt my cuddles and I felt his. I was so glad that he was embracing this idea.

The car trip to preschool Alexander kept pushing his button to give me cuddles. When we arrived at preschool I explained the heart button on my wrist and his wrist and that the button might need to be drawn again during the day. The teachers were totally fine with that and thought it was a pretty cute and sweet it. 

He asked Nana J to read him a book (Oi Platypus) and then for me to read him a book (Oi Frog). He was enjoying the books but as I came towards the end of the book he started to get upset and cling to my arm. He knew that I was going soon and he didn't like it. When we finished reading I gave him a big cuddle and he started to cry. Alison came up and asked him what he wanted to do and he just clung to me. She told me to just go and Alexander was upset as we left. 

I am glad that Alexander isn't my first kid there because I know that I trust them, I know that they will look after him and would let me know if he didn't settle. As I left I felt sad that he was sad but I was also ok because I trust his teachers.

At the end of the day they said that his button got pushed a lot through the day and that he asked a few times when Mummy would come back but he was ok with hearing 'soon'. The hug that I received when I came to pick him up just melted my heart. It was so tight and so happy to see me. I don't get those sorts of hugs often. He had a great day! They played cricket, he did playdough, he did building. He loved the day. When I asked if he was excited to go back tomorrow he said 'no.' Hmm... not so good.

Today when he woke he was happy again but then got a bit upset when he realised he was going to preschool. To make it worse, Daniel and Eliza were staying home today because of no power at school so he wanted to stay home too. But I didn't want to do that this time because he might expect that each time Daniel or Eliza stayed home. We left for preschool around 9am because it would make the time less. Boompa came too which I thought might be a distraction. Didn't work. In the car he kept saying he didn't want to go. I kept reassuring him. When we walked in the door he clung to me and started to cry. He wouldn't unpack his bag and wouldn't write his name. I managed to have him sit down to do his name by saying I'd write one side and he'd write the other side. But as soon as he finished his name he was back to clinging and crying. He wasn't going to budge no matter what his teachers said or did. Alison decided to just take Alexander and I would go so Malcolm, Eliza and I said bye and left while Alison dragged Alexander off him. So so hard to turn and walk away from him while he is there screaming. I knew that he would settle, I knew that he would have a great day, but it just broke my heart when leaving him. I had tears too.

Margo was lovely and sent me a message saying that Alexander had settled down and was having a lovely day. I was so grateful for that message. I knew that he would be fine and that he would settle but there was just a bit of me wondering lots if he had settled. My little heart on my wrist got lots of pushes this morning and today. Again, come this afternoon I got the biggest cuddle from him which I loved. He had another wonderful day playing cricket, playdough, playing snap, playing with some new friends. He said he was excited about going back next week but we will wait and see what next week will look like. I hope it doesn't last a long time of him finding it hard to separate. I hope that he continues to enjoy his time at preschool and that he will grow in confidence and comfort there. 

In the meantime, my sweet little boy, I love you, I will push that button and I hope that he feels my thoughts, my love and my heartbreak as I leave if he's in tears.