Christmas Concert

Daniel had his first Preschool Christmas Concert the other week. We had a nice sausage sizzle at Preschool before he joined the rest of his class and the 5 other classes to sing some songs for all the parents. The performance was very cute. Daniel sang a few of the songs, was distracted during others, smiled and waved to us. He did very well and both James and I are proud of him.

I am finding it really hard at the moment to stop being a teacher and thinking like a teacher and to instead be a parent who is proud of who my children are. Don't get me wrong, I am so proud of them! I want them to do their best, but I need to remember that their best isn't the same as other kids, I need to remember that their best will look different to what I might expect or to what my best was when I was a kid. It is really hard to shift this mindset though. I think part of it is because I know their potential, I know what they can do and when they aren't doing that it's hard to accept. For most the concert I was so distracted by Daniel being distracted I didn't get to fully enjoy his performance, I didn't get to embrace how cute and innocent he was during it. Instead I focussed on him standing up and looking around, at him pulling faces with some of the other boys, with him not singing. I enjoyed the few songs that he did join in. I loved seeing him spot James and I and wave to us with a big grin. The next morning I realised that in the distractions and then the rush to get home so I could head out again I didn't even tell Daniel how proud I was of him. I was so disappointed in myself for this! I was in tears because of it. I want to encourage my kids, I want to support them no matter what their choices, no matter how hard it is, no matter how other people perceive them. I just need to shift my expectations, my reactions, my perceptions and instead just be in the moment, enjoy watching my kids grow up, achieve the things they achieve, be cute in the situations they are cute (like Daniel was at the concert), and tell my kids how proud I am of them for doing their best and being true to themselves and true to who they are.

Daniel, if you read this when you're older, I am so sorry for not being in the moment. I'm so sorry for not telling you how proud I was of you. I'm so sorry for focussing on certain parts of the concert and not the big picture. I love you and am so proud of you. I am grateful for your Daddy who reminded me that it's ok to tell you I was sorry and that I was proud of you, but I am still sorry that it took me until the next day to say that. I can't wait to see your concert next year, to enjoy the whole event and to be your proud, beaming Mummy, no matter how many songs you join in, no matter how many times you stand up, pull faces, etc. You are only little, you are who you are and I wouldn't have you change a bit! Love you my boy! I'm sorry that with being my eldest child I will probably make many more mistakes like this as you grow up and as I learn more about how to be the best mum I can be. Love you.