Mummy Guilt

Mummy guilt is something I've felt at different stages with each kid. Something that most, if not all, mums feel at some point. For me, I'm feeling it at the moment. Not hugely so it's making me sad or stressed but I do have it going on in the back of my mind a lot at the moment.

What is it over?

I feel guilty that I'm not spending as much time with just Alexander. I love sitting and feeding him but often I have one, if not 2 other kids on my lap reading books during that time. After feeds, instead of being able to just sit and spend time with Alexander, playing with him, chatting with him, interacting with him, I find I need to just place him on the ground under his mobile and then make a meal/hang out the washing, chat with Daniel and/or Eliza. I know it's just how it is and the short moments that I do get to spend with just Alexander I try to do exactly that, just they are few and far between.

I have felt guilty about my milk supply and not being able to fill Alexander up with each feed. It is hard when you are the only one who can do this job to not feel a bit bad. Fortunately though the motilium seems to be doing its job and he is now putting on the weight needed - 200g this week.

I feel guilty about just wrapping him and then placing him in his bassinet and leaving him crying for a bit. Similarly with the spending time just with him, it is hard to be able to hold him, pat him to sleep, take that extra bit of time to help settle him. Don't get be wrong, I do return to him and I find that just placing my hands on him and saying 'shh, shh' in a rhythmic way seems to settle him when he's tired, but he will often cry for a bit before I am able to go back to him.  This is mainly because of needing to organise something for the older kids.

I feel guilt that I'm not playing with Daniel and Eliza as much. Daniel wants to play cricket and tennis so badly outside but I'm often not able to because of feeding or it's just too cold or the wrong time of day.

I feel guilt that I'm often sleeping through Daniel and Eliza crying or calling out at night. I don't know why, I guess I'm so tired I just need to sleep and that's what my body is doing. I don't know really. But as a result James is getting up a few times each night to one/both of the kids and he's feeling very tired as a result of that. I still wake up to Alexander but the other 2 I mostly sleep through. Before having Alexander I was always woken straight away to them calling out. Im sure it will return to that but in the meantime I feel bad that James is getting up and tired as a result of it and that I'm not hearing the kids.

So yeah, mummy guilt. It's a fun thing. It will pass and I'm sure new things to feel guilty about will come up. Ha