MAP to Admin Journey

What a journey God has had me on! What a journey. Where to begin.

Last year I had a picture in my head that once Alexander started at school, I would have a couple of terms before starting to do some casual teaching. I really didn't know how it would work because I don't want to teach at my kids' school but I don't know how the days would look with needing to pick up and drop off the kids. One idea I had was to try and teach at another local school where the bus would pick up and drop off the kids, but logistics I hadn't looked into because I was waiting until part way through the year.

Watching online church on the 31st October, Will came on to advertise MAP. I saw it, thought about it, but then decided to push it to the side. I didn't know if I'd be able to do it, I didn't know if it was me and I didn't know if I wanted to just do it to be a part of the fun pastoral team. If I did it I wanted it to be because God wanted me to. So I pushed it back in my mind.

Watching online church on the 10th November, Will came on again to advertise MAP. As he spoke the thoughts came back of should I do it? And then when he finished speaking Eliza turned to me and asked 'Are you going to do that Mum?' Say what? This really made me think a lot more about whether I should do MAP. It shows you that God can use your kids to speak His word to you. 

I sat on it through the day and then spoke with James about it at night. His response 'Yes!!!' He hadn't thought about it himself but he thought it was perfect. When I mentioned Eliza's comment, he was amazed. I still wasn't sure though.

Come Wednesday morning (13th November) I was still wrestling with what to do. I was really keen to do what God wanted, not what I wanted, but I was also very unsure of what that looked like. My plan was casual teaching, God's plan what still unclear (well, pretty clear but I was hesitant). That morning I wrote out my prayers asking for clarification.

A burning bush is a saying that we have in Life Group. A burning bush is when we ask God to be so clear, there is no doubt. I didn't really know what it would look like, but I wanted God to clarify.

That night I had Life Group and I decided to mention whether I do MAP or not as a prayer point. Amazingly, Liz said to me that she was praying for that exact thing in the morning. She felt God was saying that I was to step out of my comfort zone, be open to being used by God more with my gifts, etc. Amazing. There is my burning bush! God was moving. I changed my prayer point to being having the confidence to chat with Will about joining MAP, which I did. A few weeks later  Will sent me a letter saying that I would be working with Carol C in the new year with children's ministry which was exciting but also a bit of a surprise because I didn't really see myself in Children's Ministry, although it made sense because I do so much in children's ministry already.

Fast forward to 14th February 2022, my first day of MAP. A lovely day spent with the pastoral team, working with Carol and getting excited about the year. Lord of ideas, lots of plans and lots of uncertainty about what the year was going to look like. At one point, Carol joked that I would be good in the admin role that was being advertised. I told her that I saw it advertised but pushed it aside because God made it so clear that I should do MAP. 

That afternoon I got home to find an email from Andrew, Senior Pastor. This email was lovely but also mentioned that he had been brainstorming ideas of people to apply for the Admin role and I came up. He was keen to chat if it was something I had been thinking about. What the heck! Just after my first day of MAP to get this email. I cried, I spoke with James, I cried more. So much uncertainty, so much confusion, so many questions and big decisions to make. If I went for this role I'd be saying bye to teaching (at least for now), I'd be stepping out of my comfort zone, I'd be doing a role that I had never done before but I'd also be working in a team environment that would just be beautiful and I could grow. I was doing MAP so was I to finish that? Or should I stay onboard? I felt like I was letting Carol down if I considered it, but then long term I would be on the team for more than a year if I did the Admin role. 9-2 are awesome hours for a job while being a mum too. 5 days a week is a lot, I wasn't ever thinking of being 5 days a week. 

So much to think about. I prayed and chatted with many, many people - James, Mum and Dad, Liz, Carol, Anne, were just some. Everyone said I could do the admin role and would pray for guidance as to whether it was to be me. (with the exception of Carol who said she didn't want me to get it but if I was her kid, she would say to go for the role and see - she didn't want to lose her MAP person). I prayed more and felt God saying 'I have a plan for you...' but he didn't elaborate. Not helpful! But I continued to seek. I wrote lists for pros and cons, I spoke with Andrew again about concerns if I took the role - holidays, I've never not had them and it's our happy time as a family. I'd like to still have at least a week of holidays, Mainly Music and Scripture I believe God still wants me to do - is there a way to do both? Lots of thoughts going around in my head. I was heard, I was prayed with and prayed for. I felt a peace.

I decided to talk with the kids about it because it would affect them too - I would be around before and after school but during school things would look differently. When I told them about this role, Daniel said he didn't want me to do it because he wanted me around for Kids Games. When I explained that I'd be there for Kids Games, just in the office, he was so excited and said 'go for it then.' Eliza and Alexander were fine with it too. We spoke about how holidays would look different and they were ok with it, and were excited about the idea of coming up to church for a day or 2 to hang out and play while I worked (not sure how it will look but willing to give it a go). The kids were keen for me to apply.

Speaking with others outside of church, Amy said she would definitely change professions (and she is a teacher!), Megan said she wouldn't think twice about leaving teaching (and she's on mat leave from being a teacher), Deb said that I'd be perfect for this role. It has been amazing to see other people's perspectives of me and hear them have the confidence in me that I don't actually have in myself. James and I spoke more, and I realised that I don't really know a teacher who is happy teaching at the moment. The job has changed and the reason why I love teaching is that - to teach kids and get joy from that. But there are so many other hoops to jump through that it isn't a focus anymore - paperwork, planning and prep, programs, reports, accreditation, doubling up on lessons, pressures from principals/parents/department are great. The hours are huge. It isn't a family friendly job really anymore. I also came to realise that yes, God had clearly guided me to apply for MAP, but that was possibly a stepping stone to realise that this is where I am to be, working at the Church. If I wasn't doing MAP, there is no way that my brain would have considered doing the Admin role because I would have just been focusing on teaching. God's plans are bigger than my own. I decided to apply for the job. At this point I had decided I just apply and trust that God will guide the right person into the role. 

Friday 11th March I had my interview with Andrew (senior pastor), Judy (secretary), Ken (deacon) and Liz (elder). I haven't been in an interview setting for 20 years since finishing uni and starting teaching. The interviews were lovely (as I'd expect) but I think it's easier to interview strangers than friends. So hard to read their reactions, and if I answered questions unintelligently then I'd see them again on Sunday. Ha. But the interview went well. The other person they were interviewing was a close contact to COVID so needed to isolate, so their interview was pushed out a week. That week was long - still doing MAP, unsure if it would be long term for the year or if I'd be doing Admin. But also knowing that Carol would be away so needing to try and get my head around both roles and think about how I could support both Carol but also possibly do the Admin role. My head was spinning during that week. 

Come Thursday 17th, I received a call saying that I had been offered the Admin role to begin on the 28th March. Wow. I got it. Full of excitement, overwhelmed with anxiety of the unknown, excited by God's guidance, and being a part of the church team, but definitely feeling out of my depth were all feelings I had. Looking back, it's cool to see God using different people to bring me to this place - Eliza to do MAP, Andrew to ask on the first MAP day about this Admin role, Kelly to say that she told Andrew and the other Elders that I was too valuable to just be on staff for a year, Ruth feeling peace about me stepping into her role, being told by Deb (a non-Christian) when I said I just don't know if I can do it that 'Isn't that where your faith would step in and you trust that your God has put you there for a reason?' That conversation I loved! Filled with truth.

Of course it didn't come without challenges - starting day of the 28th got pushed back to 31st because of course, Alexander caught COVID and we were in isolation for the week. (He was fine, just a scratchy throat). So that meant a 2 week hand over period with Ruth went down to 1 week. It was a good 1 week but so much going on, I got to see the real glimpse of how much Ruth does, how many interruptions come up and how you just need to go with the flow in this role. 

How am I feeling now? I have had a week in the role without Ruth and I am going ok, I have cried more days than not because I am so overwhelmed by all that I need to learn - everything is new. Like everything! Even Word is different to what I'm used to because I'm on a Mac at home and a PC in the office. New programs, new procedures. Just lots and lots to do. Some areas really scare me with the responsibilities I need to make. But I keep coming back to God guided me here, God wants me here. God has a bigger plan than me. I will love working with the people in the office, I am going to grow. I need to 'relax' (Andrew's word for me) and I need to be kind to myself. I need to know that I'm going to stuff up, but I'm also going to be fine when I do. I need to build a thicker shell and know that I can't do all things myself, but I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I am exhausted from thinking so much. I am finding it hard to switch my brain off in the week, but I am also knowing that I am working really hard to try and keep work at work and home at home - something I wasn't good at when teaching. I have had mummy guilt with kids home sick (fortunately James can work from home so I can still go to work), mummy guilt that I am tired when I get home so am not actually investing in my kids. I am exhausted because over the holidays and long weekend I tried to jam pack everything in to be together and have fun moments, but that is also tiring to do. Last week I had an afternoon nap, fell asleep on the couch in the evening and then went straight to sleep once back in bed. I'm tired mentally and emotionally, but I will get there. It's early days. So many see my potential, I just need to see it too.

Anyway, what do I take away from this 4 month journey?

1. God's plans are bigger than my own.

2. Be careful what you pray for, because God is a God who hears and answers them

3. Listen to your kids, God can speak through them

4. God guides through others - listen to your friends and be open

5. Trust in God. I can do all things through him to strengthens me

6. Other people can see much more potential in me that I can myself - I am my own biggest enemy

7. Prayer is powerful

8. My family are my biggest cheer squad. 

9. James and I are on the same page. This is a big change, a big shift, but he has my back and I have his. We make a good team.

So that is the journey. I am ready for God to stop changes now and to let me settle into the role. I am overwhelmed by all that is going on, but I know God has planned for me to be here and so I am going with that.