Bye Grayma

The day after we got back home we headed off to Northern Suburbs Crematorium to celebrate Grayma and say bye to her. With all that had been going on the past few weeks, being up in Hervey Bay, I felt I really hadn't had a chance to process that Grandma had passed away. Being in Hervey Bay I found it hard knowing that Mum, Dad, Auntie Sue, Jens, Howie and Oscar were able to meet up for dinner, chat about Grandma, share stories, cry together and laugh together. I hadn't had that chance so today was my opportunity. I felt nervous about it but also glad to see everyone and have a chance to say bye to Grandma.

We arrived a bit earlier so that James could set up his keyboard and so that I didn't have to stress about getting there late. The kids sat beside the fountain and had some food while everyone arrived. One of Grandpa's brothers were there who was a spitting image of Grandpa. Made me do a double take. I also got to see many of my 2nd cousins (or whatever they work out to be - Mum's cousins and their kids). I haven't seen them for years. It was nice to see Jens and Howie too and to give Auntie Sue a hug. 

I was a bit taken back when I went into the room. The chairs were all spread out 1.5m. Wasn't expecting that. Families could move chairs together so we did that for our family, and Jens, Howie and Oscar sat behind us. We sang a couple of hymns (modernised) for Grandma - she wanted James to play something that he was comfortable with and he and Mum worked out a middle group with playing hymns that had a modern tune. 

Grandma never wanted to have a eulogy read about her at her funeral but she did always say that she wanted me to write a poem for her. While I was in Hervey Bay I managed to gather my thoughts and write one for her which I was able to read out at her funeral. It was hard to do, I did it through tears but I think that I spoke clearly too. 

 Here it is.

My Grandma

Maxine, Mum, Grandma, Grayma
A woman of many names.
The love and care she showed for others
That, she never changed.

My grandma was a unique woman
So generous and kind,
A quality she has passed on
To her girls as you would find.

She had no clue with spending
Something we all found funny.
Grandpa didn’t trust her
So gave her pocket money.

But that didn’t stop her these last few years
Offering to pay
For trips to the zoo and overseas
And adventures on the way.

I know she didn’t like being referred to
As Hyacinth Bucket
But really Grandma, let’s be honest
Many qualities were the same.

Growing up my memories include
Adventures to Balmoral Beach,
Lebanese cucumbers, finger buns,
Poppas and a salmon sandwich.

Fish and chips at Manly Beach
Iced vovo biscuits as a treat,
Ferry rides from Meadowbank
And in the plum pudding 5c coins that you shouldn’t eat.

When Jenny and I would sleep over
At Grandma and Grandpa’s place
Grandma would come in at night
And pull the covers up just below my face.

She’d pull my arm out from my toy bunny
Then tuck it in tight
Next to me as I slept
In their spare room at night.

When Grandma wanted me to come
I’d hear my name ‘Debbiiiieeeeee’
Which meant I needed to stop what I was doing
And go to her immediately.

Boxes of tissues for any of our birthdays
Don’t forget the cashews too,
Outside of our family
It seems like a weird thing to do.

But we know why she did it,
She didn’t want anyone to feel left out
This is a quality that she has passed on
And we won’t forget about.

She loved our kids’ birthday cakes
She loved Mum’s Chinese cooking
She enjoyed our BBQ chicken lunches
She loved Mum’s Christmas plum pudding.

Grandma would often enjoy a chat
Over a good lunch
At Kipling’s Garage or the Sheraton buffet
They’re the places she loved to munch.

My grandma really loved her sport
AFL, cricket, tennis
No matter what time it was on until
She would stick with it until it finished.

Since having kids of my own
I’ve seen another side
To Grayma who was in her 90s,
Something she did well to hide.

When Jenny, Howie, James and I,
Needed someone dressed as Batman
My Grandma said ‘why not?’
And helped us with our photo plan.

She played beyblades with Daniel,
She flossed (danced) with Eliza
She read books with Alexander
And played iPad games with Oscar.

She adored her great-grandkids
She had lunch with their photos everyday,
But one of her favourite times
Was to sit and watch them play.

My grandma was a character
A very cheeky one,
The boys always loved her banter
Our family chats were lots of fun.

Where will I now hear about the news?
I’ll miss the random newspaper clippings
That she’d give to us when we caught up
At family gatherings.

She’d been waiting to go up to Heaven
She had been wanting that for years,
But now that she is up there
Knowing that doesn’t lessen our tears.

She thought she’d live past 100
Of that she wasn’t impressed.
But God had a different plan
And now she is at rest.

I am going to miss her dearly
I wish I hugged her one last time
But I’m glad that Grandma got to go
Her way, her time and not mine.

I love you so much Grandma,
I’m glad you know that is true,
Enjoy being in Heaven with Grandpa
Where both your bodies are brand new.

So here is your last poem,
With love from me to you,
You were my number 1 fan
My Grandma, Maxine, I love you.

The pastor spoke so kindly about her, it was nice that he knew her. It made it more personal. The songs were lovely to sing and it was just a nice celebrate about an awesome lady.

After the service the kids scored a ride on the golf cart to the refreshments place. They were pretty excited about it! I think it was a highlight for them!

We enjoyed some snacks for morning tea/lunch and then went for a walk to see where Boompa's ashes are going to go. He decided that he wanted to be buried with his Mum and Dad in the gardens here. We will have a ceremony later to do that but for now we went for walk through the gardens to find it. It was nice to show the kids where their Great Granny was buried and where Boompa will be.

We also found where James' Great grandparents were buried (the kids' Great Great grandparents).

Dad also went and found where my Great Grandparents were buried.

After this we headed back to Mum and Dad's place for tea and chats with the Howies and Auntie Sue. It was nice to sit, to eat biscuits that Mum made which were Grandma's recipe, to look at photos and chat. It was a nice time.

 

These are some of the photos that I liked looking back on. Both Grandma and Grandpa are stunners.

At the end of the week Mum and Dad had the kids for a night so James and I headed out for lunch at Kipling's Garage, Grandma's local. I never got to have a meal with her here but we did take the kids for 'those baby milk thingys' (babychinos), a hot chocolate and a skim flat white. The waiters were so patient with her. We enjoyed a lovely 3 course meal together, got to pause and chat to each other and chat about how we both were going after the past few weeks. It was nice to pause together and eat some tasty food! I had duck pancakes for entree, a delicious seafood chowder for main and a stickydate pudding for dessert. And enjoyed a (warm) pot of tea too! Yum! But I was so very full by the end.

When we got home we then rearranged Eliza's room to include Grandma's dressing table. I have loved her dressing table for as long as I can remember. I loved how she put photos under the glass. I love the style of it. Honestly I would love to have the dressing table in my room but it just wouldn't work. Not at this stage. But that's ok. Eliza will love it, it works in her room and it gives her a mirror to use. I want to print off a photo of Eliza and Grandma to put under the glass to make it a bit more special :-)

My gorgeous Grandma. I love you and I miss you. I love how cheeky you are. I love how blunt you are. I love the way that you loved my kids. I loved how you showed me that nothing is impossible if you put your mind to it. You showed me that you're never too old to give things a go. You showed me that family is the most important thing in life. I wanted to sit down with you and chat about your life, about growing up, about you and Grandpa. I have snippets of your life that you recently told me about, but I wanted to hear more, kids just made the timing difficult. I wish that I could have seen you one last time, to say that I love you and that I am going to miss you. Grandma you have shown me that I don't need to fear death, that it will come and to welcome it when the time comes. To be ready to meet Jesus and to see you and Grandpa again. You taught me about the importance of coasters (something not everyone has been taught and it drives me crazy!). You taught me about manners, about pocket money for the kids, about being generous to others. I got my naiveness from you and Mum, my innocence and my trust in God. Thank you for always being you. Thank you for all my special memories. I miss you Grandma.

Bye Boompa

Boompa's funeral was a chance to sit and hear about his life, see photos of him and celebrate his life together with family and friends.

It was nice to see family when we arrived. Even with Covid restrictions in place, we chose to hug and mourn together. I don't know how you can go to a funeral of a loved one and not hug when they and you are sad. I understand the rules and the restrictions, but it's just too hard to not help comfort each other. 

We sat down at the front for the start of the service. The kids did pretty well during the service, mostly sitting quietly. Eliza sat next to Aly, Alexander sat next to me and Daniel sat next to Maddie who was next to Ryan. It was so nice to hear so many stories about Malcolm - some that we knew and some that I hadn't heard about. Everyone spoke so well and it was amazing how many times I thought 'That sounds like James.' So much of his dad is carrying on through him which I love.

Aunty Megan spoke on behalf of her and Aunty Julie. Some thing that reminded me of James were:

-Always inquisitive and keen to help others

-making peanut butter and honey sandwiches - something that James introduced to me

-a love of driving holidays

-his love for his family

We had to giggle when hearing stories about jokes played on Aunty Megan (being the younger sister), secrets that he shared and just the cheeky side of him.

Next up James spoke about his Dad. Boy was it hard to hear him talk, however, James spoke so very well and clearly. Things that he said that made me think of James were:

-having a loving and honest marriage, with a selfless love for each other

-to be a great day - Malcolm believed James was capable of anything he put his mind to

-a love of motorsport.

Jenny found it hard to talk. I held Ryan's hand during this time to help support him too. James helped read most of Jenny's speech because she just couldn't do it and then she finished it off. Something Malcolm passed onto James was

-knowing and showing that Dad's weren't incapable of cooking, cleaning and parenting.

Then Julie spoke. She spoke so amazingly well and clearly. It was just beautiful to hear her words. Her heart is breaking but she still showed so much strength! Her words reminded me of James too

-a love of cars

-BBQ dinners, lunches and socials cooked on the BBQ

-a love of family. She mentioned that James and Jenny have grown up to be loving and compassionate adults and parents and he was proud of who they have become

-a love of travel

-if Julie doubted herself, he'd say 'of course you can do it' and support her along the way. James is the same with me.

Jill from VMR then spoke about Malcolm there and she spoke so nicely of him - about his commitment to his job, his friendly nature and willingness to help. They receive a 5 year badge after 5 years of service and Malcolm was keen to get his in September but he unfortunately didn't make it so she very kindly gave him her badge in honor of all his hard work and service.

There was a lovely slide show of photos of Malcolm which James, Julie and Jenny had put together which was so nice to see. Some photos of him as a little boy and some of him as a dad and as a Boompa. Here are some of my favourites.

                                                                            Malcolm on his Dad's lap (he looks so much like his Dad!)

                                                                                                            Malcolm with James

                                                                                                            I LOVE this photo!

                                                                                                                Look at the hair

                                                       I sent this photo to Ruth, Charlie and Tim to show them that they were in our thoughts too.

                                        Malcolm loved to listen to James' band play when he came to visit. So glad he got to go to a few gigs.

Such a lovely family photo

 

We heard a letter from Malcolm that he wrote 3 weeks before he passed away. His friend read it out to us. His dying wish was that we will support and look after those he loved most - James, Jenny and Julie. I will do my best to do that Malcolm. 

 

After the service, I paused to look at the photos on display.

As I looked, Eliza started to cry and broke down. She was just so sad. The boys followed Ryan and the girls out and I sat down with Eliza and just held her as she cried. It is so heart breaking to not be able to do anything but hold your kid. She couldn't speak, she just cried. I told her that Boompa loved her, that I missed him too and that she was so special to him. We went up and looked at the photos and things on the table and I just held her. Eventually James came and took her to go for a walk in the garden. She settled and wanted to give Nana J a cuddle too. 

 

We headed back to Nana J's place for lunch and time with family and friends. The kids enjoyed playing together and we got to chat with family. It was a nice way to end a tough day. Back at our place it was a really special time of James looking at photos of Boompa and showing them to the kids. 

 

On the drive home I wrote a poem for Malcolm to help process my thoughts. Malcolm will be dearly missed. There have already been times where I catch myself upset. Times when I have randomly thought of him, or had a connection. My heart breaks for Julie, losing her love, her best friend. My heart breaks for James and Jenny, losing their Dad, their support. My heart breaks for the kids, losing their Boompa, someone they loved, laughed with, chatted with. He fought an 8 month battle with cancer with strength, with dignity, with selflessness. It feels unfair. It feels all too quick. It feels confusing and hard. I don't know how to support James, Julie and Jenny, but I know that God is with us, that God is a good God and that he will give us peace. I don't know where Malcolm is now. I hope and pray that in his last moments he realised he wanted to be friends with Jesus, but I don't know if he did. But I do know that we were blessed to know him here on Earth, that we were blessed to be family, to have his advice and help with so many things and I know that he will be greatly missed.

 

 

Malcolm Noble

Malcolm Noble was my father-in-law
An amazing and caring dad,
A wonderful husband to Julie
And the best Boompa our kids could have.

I have known him for 12 years
I wish I knew him for more
He was a man who would put others first
A quality I adore.

A love of racing cars
is something that he shared
With James and now our kids
Knowing who won the race, he cared.

He travelled down to Tasmania
To watch the cars with Daniel and James
I’m sad he didn’t make it to New Zealand
To share the experience again  

When James and I got married
He told us don’t let the sun go down on a fight
This is something we have tried to apply
Each and every night.

I will miss hearing James
Giving his dad a quick phone call
To talk about how to fix something
Or get his tips on things like how to build our back wall.

Our paved area out the back
Is now a special place
Because Malcolm helped James create it
He helped each brick find its space.

He has passed on a love of sandwiches
With peanut butter and honey
Something I had never tried before
But it actually is really yummy.

We shared a love of seafood
For dinner or out for lunch
Malcolm’s bbq garlic prawns
We really would love to munch!

Malcolm modelled to James
That a husband can help out in different ways
He taught us tricks for meals
Like leek in most things and Vegemite in bolognese.

He took James and Jenny shopping
At one stage he was a stay at home dad
He could fix almost anything
That was a special skill he had.

Every morning he would do his Wheel Word Puzzle
And write down how many words he could see
Then he would check yesterday’s answers
With some help from Julie.

He always loved to sit and play a board game
Scattergories, Boggle or Greed
He introduced me to darts
And would give tips when in need.

He loved his pet cats and dogs
That he has had over the years
Eva, Zsa Zsa, Bennie and Jadie
And Charlie who loves a scratch behind the ears.

Malcolm you are so very missed,
By so many who loved you
You have impacted so many
By your kind and generous life and all that you did do.

We love you and wish that you were still here
A life taken way too soon
But you live on in our hearts and memories
And those will continue to bloom.

Thank you for loving me as a daughter
Thank you for just being there
Thank you for helping raise amazing kids
Thank you for always showing care.

Thank you for setting up the pool at summer time
Thank you for having a chat
Thank you for being an amazing Boompa
Thank you for being a great husband, father-in-law, friend and dad.
 

Thankful, Loved and Supported

Over the past few months, well really since November when Malcolm was first diagnosed, James and I have felt just so loved and supported by those around us who knew about his diagnosis. Our Bible Study groups have journeyed with us as we prayed for him, for us, for James' family. My family have journeyed with us and asked how he is and supported us with each update. My mother's group have been an amazing listening ear when things have been tough or the situation changed. They have listened, supported, cared. Our pastors have called, messaged, asked us how things are going. James' work have been amazing in understanding that he'd need to be up in Queensland at times and take time off work to be present with his family. All of these moments have been such a blessing to us all!

When Malcolm passed away, I called Mum and Dad and cried with them over the phone. Rach called me straight away from Scotland to chat and see if I was ok and to talk about it. I messaged my Bible Study girls and they sent messages of love and prayers. Kelly popped around with flowers and a card, Priscilla popped around with some flowers too. They messaged asking what they could do to help me organise Daniel's birthday. They offered to take Alexander for some time for me. Unfortunately I was out for both but it was possibly a good thing because I would have been in tears had I seen them. 

Anne took Alexander Friday afternoon so I could get my head around everything and try and organise myself. Cathy gave me a hug at pick up (even though Covid didn't allow it). She messaged me and dropped around a card. Mum and Dad changed their weeks plans to drive up to Queensland with the kids and I.

When Grandma passed away, I messaged my Bible Study girls again and they were so supportive and such prayer warriors for me. They held me up when I felt weak. Kelly offered to sit with Grandma if no one else was around (Auntie Sue and Jenny were so it was ok but I love that she felt she could offer).

Then while we were in Hervey Bay, James' work sent him a care package from his team. They asked me for his address and then gave him a box of goodies, including some gin. He loved it. His work team are like family to him so I am so grateful for their support over this time.

 When we got back home we found a care pack on the table outside from the Cleasbys for us. What a blessing!

 Mum and Dad had bought us bread, milk and butter and put it in the kitchen. Meant we didn't have to rush off to the shops to buy things.

Elise popped around with dinner for us - Butter Chicken with rice and beans and also for another night pea and ham soup. Perfect because it meant we didn't have to worry about cooking tonight or tomorrow night after the funeral. James and I were feeling that we were running on empty at this stage so it was so nice to not have to worry about these things like shopping and dinner.

 We had a box of chocolates delivered to the door from Jenny and Ryan.

 Flowers from the church family, 

 Flowers from the Dawsons,

 flowers from Carmen and Marcus,

 beautiful and bright flowers from Lani,

 a gift pack from the Management committee at preschool

 and chocolates from Louise.

 All of this as well as cards from others who we know and love. We also got some lorrikeet birds to put in our garden when the wall is finished - one for Grandma and one for Malcolm. This was from Anne and Angus and the kids. It's a way that we can remember that they're always watching over us which is a very sweet thought.

As you can see, we have been so supported, loved and cared for during this time. It has been a hard time to go through a funeral, to be grieving a loved one but not be able to hug and comfort everyone, but these acts of love and care have been a beautiful reminder that others are walking with us and holding us up. I am amazed at home God used my Bible Study girls - I messaged at any moment and they prayed. They have continued to pray for our family in the month after this hard time. I felt their strength, I felt their prayers answered, I felt God with me. I hope and pray that I can be as encouraging, supportive and caring as those around me have been for us. I hope that I can listen to the Holy Spirit to guide me in ways that I can take a stress away in a stressful time, that I can help someone who is going through a hard time, that I can pray for them and support them. I guess I just need to be open to those times, and listening to the Spirit.

 For now I am just grateful for all the love and support we have received. I know they say it takes a village to raise a family, but it also takes a village to support the family in the hard times and I am so grateful for my village around us, and also grateful knowing that Julie and Jenny also have their villages up in Hervey Bay.