Night before Alexander's 1st birthday

Sitting here feeding my baby the night before he turns one. Where has that time gone? To think that a year ago I was preparing to head into hospital - nervous, excited, wondering what the future would hold. A year on and it has been an amazing journey. I can't imagine life without Alexander, he just fits our family so well. Daniel and Eliza adore him, James and I love him. His cheeky personality, his gorgeous smile, even while being sick his cheerfulness. Alexander is so clever with all that he is learning. To take his first steps today was very exciting, although sad for me with it being another last first. He is growing up before my eyes and time just seems to be going by too quickly. 

I have been in denial about Alexander turning 1 tomorrow. I have been in denial about him growing up. Why? Because he is my baby, my last baby. Time just seems to be going too quickly. It feels like I blink and the moments are gone.

So what am I doing about it? I'm trying to savour each of these 'last times'. I'm trying to enjoy the night feeds, even though they exhaust me because I know that soon they will be gone. I'm trying to savour the 1sts because I know there will be no more. I'm trying to enjoy seeing Alexander's little personality come out because that gives me insight to the gorgeous boy that he will be. I'm trying to capture the moments of love between the kids - Daniel and Eliza helping, playing with Alexander because I'm sure as he gets bigger he is going to annoy them more and there will be more arguments. I am trying to make the most of all these things and more. I am stopping and listening to him chat and babble different things. I am stopping and watching him play and fiddle with his toys. I am holding him a bit longer when cuddling him at night before bed with his head on my shoulder. I am trying to not stress about his thumb sucking, knowing that he will eventually grow out of it. 

My dear Alexander, this year has gone too quickly but you are so clever, such a delight, such a joy and so lovely. We love having you in our family. We love watching you grow and learn, even though it all seems to be happening too quickly. I can't wait (but I also can) to see how you grow up. To see the man you become. To see you grow and learn about our God. You are so precious to us all and you are such a delight. Happy birthday for tomorrow sweetheart.